Friendship



John M. Gottman, says “At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is a simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.  By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.  These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams.”
Let’s start there.  Think about couples you know.  What do you admire about them?  Probably the way they interact with each other.  The couples I admire have a deep friendship.  I can honestly say my husband is my best friend.  We were friends before we started dating.  We were in the singles ward together and he was my home teacher.  He was a great home teacher and we’d have him come and hang out all the time.  We were forming a friendship that bloomed into a relationship! 
Through this friendship we were able to find out what we like, what we don’t and what we had in common.  By doing this before there was anything romantic, the pressure was off!  We had a great foundation! 
Now, 14 years later, and 5 young children--we still have a solid friendship.  BUT we need to nourish our friendship with date nights.  Its not just an excuse to leave the house!  It’s a great way for us to have one on one time and reconnect.  We can have date night in-watching a show or playing a game.  Or we go out—dinner, movie or even something fun like goofy golfing or bowling.  It really doesn’t matter what we do as long as we use that time to reconnect. 
Gottman shares a story about a couple where the husband works long hours.  This could be bad for some couples, but for this couple they make it work.  They text frequently throughout the day, he is interested in what she has going on.  When she makes dinner, she saves him his favorites.  When he makes blueberry pancakes for the kids, he leaves them out of hers because she doesn’t like it.  They are showing friendship to each other.  It doesn’t have to be a huge grand romantic gesture, just simple ways showing you love and respect your spouse. 

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