I really enjoyed the address given by Richard B. Miller, PhD about Who’sthe Boss? Power Relationships in Families. He gives such practical information for families to learn from and grow from! He shares, “In healthy, well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children. Parents are the “executive committee” and the “board of directors” of a family. As with any other leadership position, parents should not be harsh, domineering, or dictatorial, but they are the leaders of the family, and the children need to follow that leadership.” Such a simple yet profound way to think about a family. Mom and Dad are in charge—but not a dictatorship. Parents should talk with the children when making decisions, especially as the children get older. This is where family councils come in and are so important. We had a family council this week. It was eye opening! My children are on the young side, so i...
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Gridlock
This week we learned about Gridlock. Gridlock is when couples have the same argument over and over again without resolution. For example, He wants children, she doesn’t. She wants to go to church, he doesn’t believe in God. Gridlock causes compromise to be impossible. When I’ve seen friends in Gridlock (which most of the time lead to divorce) I kind of thought—get over it! Is this really worth your marriage?! But my husband and I haven’t ever really gone through Gridlock. We are able to talk about our issues and if one of us feels more strongly about something, we’re able to support the other. (especially when it comes to raising children) We’ve been lucky! According to John M. Gottman, you’ve reached gridlock if: 1. You’ve had the same argument over and over without resolution. 2. Neither of you can address the situation with humor, empathy or affection. 3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as...
John M. Gottman talks about turning to our spouses. Thinking of them and having them apart of decisions. A very simple way is for husbands to put the toilet seat down when they are done. It literally takes a millisecond for either partner to do, yet it can cause so much strife in a marriage. This made me think about putting the toilet paper on the roll. It’s something my husband NEVER did. I would get annoyed and frustrated, but after years of being frustrated, I realized I never told him about my frustrations. Once I told him, he now tries very hard to replace the toilet paper and doesn’t even give me a hard time when I don’t do it. These are prime examples for easy ways for us to turn to our spouses. How do you unwind after a long day at work? The best way would be turn to your spouse. Talk with them, tell them about your frustrations and happiness. Pride is a reason we would not turn to our spous...
Staying Connected
1 What are the little ways in which you stay connected by turning toward your spouse, or someone close to you? What impact do these little actions have on your relationship? We have 5 small children. Right now, our kids still go to bed relatively early. I enjoy that time to “turn to” my husband and enjoy time together when the kids go down. We either watch TV, do a project together, do homework together, play a game, or even just talk. I am a stay at home mom…there are some days when I just wait until 5pm when my husband comes home. This happens on the HARD days. The days when everyone is whiny and no one wants to listen. I don’t enjoy those days much. On these days, my husband comes home and just knows. He knows to step right up and help with the kids. Its these nights that usually we get take out and talk, or watch TV together. Lately, we’ve been working on weight loss together. Its been so fun doing i...
Friendship
John M. Gottman, says “ At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is a simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams. ” Let’s start there. Think about couples you know. What do you admire about them? Probably the way they interact with each other. The couples I admire have a deep friendship . I can honestly say my husband is my best friend. We were friends before we started dating. We were in the singles ward together and he was my home teacher. He was a great home teacher and we’d have him come and hang out all the time. We were forming a friendship that bloomed into a relationship! Through this friendship we were able to find out what we like, what we don’t a...
Defender of Marriage
Who knew marriage had to be defended ?! But it does. The reason being, marriage is under attack . The Supreme Court has decided that marriage is not only between a man and a woman, but between same sex as well. We need to support tradition marriage, while showing love to our fellow men. How can we do this? President Nelson in his speech stated, “You will have many opportunities to strengthen understanding of the Lord’s side of that argument by the eloquence of your examples, both as individuals and as families. ” I think the best way to support traditional marriage is by example . Example for our children, our neighbors, coworkers and all those we come in contact with. We need to talk about our love of our marriage and our religion. President Nelson also stated that we can’t be “quiet and comfortable Christians.” We must defend our religious freedoms daily! What this means for me is to share my opin...
How Has Divorce Affected You?
Elder Oaks shared a wonderful talk about divorce. In it, he said, “In one way or another, divorce touches most families in the Church.” I thought about the way divorce has affected me. I’ve been happily married for 14 years. No talk of divorce has ever come up. My parents and in laws are happily married as well. I thought, I’m lucky, divorce hasn’t affected me. But it has...divorce is all around. My aunt and uncle got divorced. My cousin, who was my best friend growing up got married right out of high school (years before I did) to a boy whose parents were also divorced. They decided that they would break the cycle and wouldn’t get divorced. This is a great goal and most couples have this goal before they married. They had financial problems the first few years of marriage and moved in with my aunt. It wasn’t great for their marriage but before things got too bad, they moved out and saved their marriage....